Less than two weeks after being diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of lymphoma, she was gone. My mother, one of the strongest individuals I've ever known, could not fight off this final assault on her broken body and passed away peacefully last Friday night at 8:40.
For those who do not know Lee Nichols Upchurch, please allow me to fill you in on some of the details of her life. She was born November 10, 1924, in Durham, NC, the first child of Owen and Sara Nichols. Mama graduated in 1945 from Women's College (now UNC-Greensboro) with an undergrad degree in social work. The following year, she married Silas G. Upchurch, and embarked on a journey around the world, thanks to daddy's career in the Air Force. They lived in Japan, Germany and finally England, where I was adopted. They returned to the States in 1961. Only two years later, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer and died in November 1965 at the young age of 45. My mother, with no marketable skills to speak of and a 5-year-old in tow, moved from Maryland back home to North Carolina and enrolled at Duke University. In 1970, she earned a Master's Degree in Education and started teaching. For most of her 20-year career, Mama taught 7th-grade language arts and social studies in the Durham County Schools. I am still amazed at her incredible will and strength, and the fact that she was able to pull it all together after being widowed so early in life.
Mama's downturn began shortly after retirement. It started with short-term memory problems and forgetting how to get to my apartment. It got really scary when she believed she was being followed, her car and phone were "bugged" and that people were living in her attic. The dementia that seems to affect so many of Mama's family was apparently coming home to roost. In all, we went through 15 years of mental illness and related hospitalizations, and I saw things that scared the hell out of me and made me fear for what her future would be like.
In the summer of 2007, Mama finally had to move into a "memory care" facility because she was so confused about people, places and events. By October, we noticed a rapid decline in her physical health as well. This tough old broad was finally giving out. She entered the hospital in early February after we thought she'd had a stroke. No evidence of stroke was found, but Mama was aspirating when she tried to swallow, so doctors put in a PEG tube and released her two days later for recovery. Three days after that, she was readmitted and that's when blood work revealed the lymphoma-- which hadn't even shown up just the week before. On Monday, February 11, Mama was moved to Hospice Home at High Point. She died there just four days later.
My family and I would like to thank the doctors and nurses at High Point Regional Hospital who took such good care of Mama, especially the ER staff. But a special place in my heart goes to the amazing people at Hospice Home. Their unconditional caring and devotion to what they do is unmatched anywhere. They enabled Mama to regain a lot of the dignity she had lost late in her life and kept her comfortable to the very end. Laura, Martha, Donna, Janice, Rodney, Brenda, Crystal, Sherry, Dr. Nelson, everyone...I cannot thank you enough. You are angels right here on Earth and you are truly doing God's work.
Mama, fly away, be free and I'll see you again someday.
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3 comments:
Your Mama is indeed free now. You took such good care of her, even when she couldn't understand that you were only trying to help her. Now she knows...
cuz
Your Mama is free just as mine is. My mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 of liver cancer (it has a very long name & at this moment can't remember it) on May 31, 2005; she was given just a matter of time; she asked me when she came home from the hospital if I would take her to the beach one last time before she got so sick she would not enjoy it; we went June 24, 2005; she had the best time of her life (& it rained the whole time we were there); after we got home she started going down hill and she lasted until July 14, 2005. She loved the poem "Footprints" and I read it nearly once a week or more because it comforts me knowing that she loved the poem. My heart goes out to you and your in my thoughts and prayers!!
Tammy
What a heartfelt and moving post this is Leanne. When times are tough, most of us want to tuck tail and head for the hills, whereas it takes courage to move forward, inch by inch, and tremendous strength to do what you have done, full of respect and dignity for your mother. A few years back, Maria Shriver wrote a book titled I think, "A few things I wanted to tell you". A theme throughout is the pain, the suffering, which parents have to endure as they watch their children make mistakes, hating their kids have to go through this, having to make mistakes in order to learn how to live; having to stumble and fall and pick themselves up again. It's part of the learning process, the cycle of life. Your mom's heart would break in having to know the tough choices and things you had to do for her in those last days. But you did it, you perserved, and you did it in high Southern style, full of grace and love. I have been there and done that, so to speak, the place where you are right now. I send faith and healing to get you through the hard times. You won't ever get over "it", but you will learn how to deal with it.
All the best from your gal pal,
La
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